return to gethsemane
These silent voices smolder with regret. At once hard memories of fallen courage haunt us. Past dishonors swell to batter otherwise profound avowals for justice and fairness. Private promises never to be caught watching – even when the very simplest “no,” “wait” or “never” might save, if only once, a child from the painful humiliation of being left out (a disease of the ages for anyone whose at bat was conveniently skipped with the game on the line) – are betrayed.
The family of man might very well go in search of itself to quiet the nagging doubts about its misplaced integrity only to find loss of purpose. When confronted with the alarming demands of an industrialized world man’s potency to overcome mere being to delight in the wonder of his becoming is threatened. Here, I refer to a generation of generations whose progress has subtly at times been blunted by a retractable set of value systems suited to deifying success at any cost. When exactly did we step aside to allow the forces of wealth, ownership and privilege alone define the value of our place, depose those whose strength is character and honor to positions less threatening to the established order, rather than to promote their prowess as central to a harmonized and vibrant society? Everyday battle lines are drawn provoking a test of our moral mettle, whether to be found in a schoolyard any afternoon struggling with the painful reality of integration or in a boardroom of executives whose calculations for lofty profitability might mean a massive reduction in work force.
When compelled by scent or stirred by emotion to sort through my childhood -- admittedly a self-defeating sojourn seeking refuge in nostalgia when the present or future seem to offer little hope -- I may on occasion find once joyous examples of a dignified action. Rendered nearly imperceptible today, if only because the collaboration between our over-analytical and isolationist tendencies have bludgeoned us emotionally and at times spiritually, sadly personal vistas of a gentler and nobler social responsibility may be traded away for more self-centered pursuits. If man has truly sought right behavior through codification of law then he has found, at best, mediocrity of character. As such, Albert Camus once suggested that integrity has no need of rules. As an eight year old, returning overpaid change to a corner grocer seemed so easy. Awash in moral challenges even then our innocence commanded such graceful response. “Justice is so subtle a thing,” wrote Jose Garcia Oliver, “that to interpret it one has only need of a heart.
What then have we discovered about how and why we have sought refuge in our reputations, job titles and trophy cases instead of savoring a noble deed, artistic energy or the spirit of fair play? The drive to succeed compels self-destruction when the outcome stratefies us further as objects to be valued (or devalued) rather than as subjects to be esteemed and gracefully shared. If I am remembered only for what I do, I risk being forgotten for whom I could become.
Covetousness is the empty search for wealth through prestige. Peace is enlightenment accompanied by humility. Perhaps no age has so clearly defined the human struggle for social, philosophical and spiritual emancipation in America as the civil rights and anti-war demonstrations of the 1960s and early 70s. The loss of Martin Luther King, Jr jolted a nation whose position on civil rights reform proved too slow for some and unnecessary for others. Cowardice, the self-inflicted wounds perpetrated by prejudice, fueled reactionary currents among mainstream Americans, while others, albeit few in numbers but rich in conviction, packed our public places and universities. Cautioned against assuming that their political incantations would once and for all assure social perfection, these fledglings for a radically new social order sought swift and, very often, heart-wrenching change, at times attracting a criminal expression it sought so desparately to defame. Long after the smoke had cleared from the Kent State campus, the bloody reality of a hotly debated police action a world away weighed heavily on still relatively few, but public opinion calling for its end was growing.
Perhaps it was Watergate then that struck the blow awakening our collective integrity. Conservative and liberal, young and old, black and white found community, if only very briefly, in their outrage of the betrayal hurled at us by political felons in high places.
We are beset today with social and cultural issues no less pressing than when it was fashionable to devote an epic style rock music concert to descrying social abuses and mandating sweeping cultural change. Perhaps we can begin less auspiciously today by taking issue one insult at a time, one violation of human decency at a time.
“Old man exhausted by ordeal,” reflected Charles DeGaulle, when assessing his country’s fitness to prevail against Nazi occupation and economic despair, “detached from human deeds, feeling the approach of the eternal cold, but always watching in the shadows for the gleam of hope.”
These words bolster sagging hearts whose eyes have seen the shameful reality of the loss of human life and dignity across the globe, but whose resolve it is not to remain silent in defeat. Smaller victories are won each day with each nursing home visit, defense of the indefensible, or arm thrown around the shoulder of a friend in loss. Everyday in our cities and countrysides great and honorable acts of courage strike hard against injustices, but often go unnoticed.
Many years ago the drama of a lone mother’s defiance against the paralyzing grip of poverty unfolded before me. Her two black teenage sons were sent packing each morning, often amidst the terror of gang recruitment and intimidation, for the promise of the private education we would share over four years. To be sure, navigating through the cultural perplexity of a middle class, predominantly white environment must have been stupefying. Today, I am certain of their indelible inspiration on much of how I perceive this world and their contribution to the pace and direction of my life’s own journey. The character of their courage is the human spirit fixed squarely against the prevailing winds of despair and self-doubt, its summit the tally of its efforts to overcome and be counted no matter the color of skin or profession of faith.
The truth of the matter is the justice at stake. The full beauty of a universe unfolding before us hastens us to abandon our suffocating self-indulgences in favor of awakened valor and restored honor to ensure the peace. And goodness courses throughout the mire of stilted politics and the empty search for self-importance so hope can be heard or seen if only fleetingly.
Every person has their Garden of Gethsemane moment. At some pivotal point in our personal history, with a heightened consciousness for the underserved or vilified among our family of man, we shall either be found asleep or, by the grace of our convictions, fully alive, compelled to do the right thing.
L'audace - 1999
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